I'm not stupid, but I'm getting there.

(Yes, a title that is not from the song I'm listening to... because I'm not listening to music. Quote from Survivor - Palahnuik)

A moment of semi-joy: I'm off crutches. I'm now 'limpy' in lieu of 'hoppy'.

Car crashes happen. A lot lately. Rackley and Freeman are ok, bruised and sore, but ok. Bec is out of hospital. on crutches with a leg cast, sling and bandanna (to cover the cuts and bruises), but ok. The boy from grade 9 died at the scene. We're told on impact, or soon enough after that - before the pain had not fully kicked in. When I was told I smiled softly to myself and hoped he was happy... my Mum was shaken and said "His poor mother. Oh, that's terrible." I wondered if she would leave him flowers at his grave. Such a pointless, silly gesture. I think I would.
I don't make much sense, do I? Mmm. Odd day.
I feel more empathy for fictional characters these days. They make me cry, but when it's somebody I know, I find myself annoyed that I can't talk to them anymore, but there are no tears.
I'm re-thinking my tattoos. I still want them, but not for the reasons I used to have.
Right now, I feel empty. I think it's because I'm tired. It's 4am. Good morning.

I flee to Decemberunderground

I haven't said much in a while... this is because I've actually had important thoughts in my head... it's paradoxical in that when I have something worth writing about I useually don't because I'm too busy thinking it over. I assure you, I'm not as idiotc or as pompous as all these ramblings depict.

Oh well... I have no real reason or need to justify myself to you Internet, I'm silly, I'm childish, I'm pathetic, I think too much, I don't think enough, I eat copous amounts of food and drink obscene amounts of tea yet I think, right now, amid all the anger and frustration and crazy urges to jump in the air with joy (which I can't really fulfill right now *semi-broken foot*) I'm really quite happy. And that's something. That's qute something indeed.
:kaylie::heart::frin: Also, for the record, I loves you Kayable, kitten.

Let me now now... let me be...

(No, I'm not listening to that song but Bec was just singing it over the phone to me.)

Missing my Beccy D, but she might be coming back to live in Gympsville! WOO! It was her 17th today. I swear she's had my Cranberries CD's, my Chuck Palahniuk books and my socks for over a YEAR now!!! (mock anger... it amuses me more than it does annoy me. Her stealing my possessions is kind of endearing in an odd way.)

Trefyn's party last night was nice. It was freezing in the park (I took great pleasure in 'breathing smoke' everywhere then cackling and trying to 'run' as fast as I could on crutches) and we played for a while (I was sad that I couldn't fully participate and do all the things I wanted to, but I got plenty of piggy backs when I was tired), then we went down into the skate bowl... I only fell once (but at that temperature on cement, it hurt far more than I would admit) which I insisted was 'strategic sitting' .... on my hands and face. =P Back at Treffy's house we all fell asleep watching Blade. I was freezing (Kelly took my 2nd blanket), but it was ok because in the morning Ro dived onto the mattress between Lara and I then let me cuddle against her until I was warm. It was nice, her jacket was like a cave of soft.

I should be packing for BrisneyLand (aah Brisbane and the endless ways to Americanise your name) right now. We go in two hours. *sigh* I want my foot back (or possibly a 'peg leg' so I could be a little more piratey - though I guess I would miss my real one after a while. It would be rad to be a cyborg pirate, like John Silver from Treasure Planet!!). Enough rambling. Farewell, I have procrastinated long enough.

Now he's bleedin' in a vacant lot

Things not worth saying 101.2
-When Dad came home the first thing he said to me was a question about wether I “…did anything productive today” (I had to fight the urge to point out that ‘productive’ is a relative idiom… the urge to tell him about the young minds that he is manipulating and the urge to ask if he thinks it’s “Worth it”… if he feels it’s his ‘place’ to screw with the minds of others… [/annoyance] then again I don’t really mind). Later he said to me that he thought I was “paralysed” the response I came up with in my head was comparable to a conversation I had with Ro once (I’m so much more articulate in conversation then on paper… probably because in conversation the ideas speak for themselves and if you’re waffling on, you can do it quickly so people don’t notice. On paper everything can be judged, assessed picked apart and demerited) which was in an entry a few weeks ago.

Rugby Leauge 1.0
*sings "Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday night's alright!!"*
We won the game! 30 to 6 (they only scored once, with three minutes to go)!! WOO!! I love Stare Of Origin! *grins foolishly* The half-time phone call was awesome as always. Sometimes I really love that darn Trefyn... I barely remember what we talked about, but it was nice, just talking. I was reminded of the time I called her and we talked for an hour and a half (but then we got disconnected. I called back and we spoke for another half hour before Mr Francis got mad at us and say we had to get off the phone), I'd never been on the phone to anyone for longer than ten minutes before that day... :) Memories.

Things not worth saying 101.3
-*sigh* Some Dresden Dolls lyrics keep swirling around in my head… “I used to be the smart one, sharp as a tack. Funny 'bout how skipping years ahead has held me back. I used to be the bright one, top in my class. Funny what they give you when you just learn how to ask. I used to be the bright one, smart as a whip. Funny how you slip so far when teachers don’t keep track of it. ”
But to explain all the reasons behind that would make my fingers very sore from typing.
-I just want my damn foot back. ARGH!! Physical immobility wreaks havoc with my mental stability!!

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep

Wow.. Decemberundergroud was... *is semi-speechless*

I listened to it for the first time and I was like "what just happened?" and then again, and I started recognising choruses, then again, and again and again, noticing different things and thinking about it in different ways. It so unlike anything... yet so.. obviously familiar. It's like falling into them all over again.

I nearly missed my dentist appointment because I didn't hear my name being called out (then I accidentally crinkled the edge of the CD booklet *GASP*) the song ended and I got the message. Despite a bit of difficulty getting everything in order (crutches ect) I got in there and everything went well. Lying back on the chair listening to Prelude 12/21 play in my head I makde patterns with the tiles on the ceiling (I think that's why they have them there) whilst they picked at my teeth and told me they looked good. The dentist and her assistant had the same eyes, a deep dark brown that reminded me a bit of 'Bottle Green' and made my start to smile until I remembered they were trying to look in my mouth.

Also, I have decided that I shall stop wiggling my toes every hour or so 'just to check if my foot is still broken' it's silly and it's really starting to hurt a lot. And I'm still waiting for somebody to say something along the lines of "Did you have a fall, child?" So I can smile, suppress a laugh, say yes, and think of pre-schoolers going off a cliff (it's an AFEE thing).

---

3:36am (*smiles at time*)

Ugh. That was the THIRD time I have hit myself in the mouth with the wrench I'm playing with.. you'd think I'd have enough had-eye coordination not to smack myself in the face and make my lip bleed... you'd think I would have learnt after the first time that it's unevenly weighted but noooooo. Now my lip stings and is all puffy. Drat.

But that wasn't what I was going to write about. I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate all the stupid little things that I love so much. Like cheese. The past two hours I have included a piece of cheese and my Dresden Dolls DVD. I was really utterly happy to be watching them perform whilst I ate my cheese. It was nice.

This time you're much too slow

I went to school for about an hour today. It was wretched. Crutches hurt. A lot. My entire body aches from getting myself about and the pain medication is still making me throw up. I sat in the office feeling nauseous and uncared about for part of that hour, waiting for Dad to take me home. I only went because Quinny asked, she told me on the phone she wanted to play with my crutches. When I got there, she didn't.

But when I got back home things went alright. It started out as such:













Then Roy happened:













He fell asleep and I spent most of the day like this:

















(He's asleep on my lap. Note the elevated foot)

Mum's taking me to Brisbane tomorrow (dentists appointments that she made when I told her D was coming out on 06.06.06 and that I wouldn't be going to school anyway) so I shall have it in 12 hours! YAY! I best be off to bed. Farewell dear Journal!

bleh

Today, for the most part, was horrible. I guess i should tell you the whole story Mr Journal. It all started yesterday morning when I was too excited to sleep. All I could think about was AFI, so I decided, to pass the few hours I had left to watch Edward Scissorhands. My lips were really dry and starting to hurt and I needed tissues (because I have a cold) so I decided to creep up to my room and get what I needed. On the way back down the stairs (there's 10 and it's pitch black at night) I got distracted (by a thought about AFI) and -unknowingly- counted a step twice. I put my foot out for what should be step 10 and fell forward with all my weight landing on my left foot that hit the tiles. I heard a snapping noise (which scared me) then I was a few moments before I could even moan because it hurt so much. I managed to feebly call out to Dad who eventually, when he heard me, leapt out of bed and ran down to me. He checked that I was ok, called out to Mum and ran off (at the time I had no idea where he went.. it turned out he was still drunk from the evening before and jumping out of bed so quickly made him ill - he was throwing up in the bathroom). By then I was in shock and shaking violently, Mum got a blanket for me and went to ask Dad what we should do. It was decided I should go to hospital. I dragged myself to the car whilst Chris complained "You never let me go to the hospital when Frin gets hurt!". So he was allowed to be the driver (he had got his licence that afternoon) letting Dad stay home to get some sleep.

Ugh.. I'm sick of talking about this and I feel like I'm going to throw up again (pain medication sucks).. I'll finish tomorrow.