God Damn Ugly The Stars

I'm wrong.
..oh I know, I know, even in saying that I'm right.. for I decided as such thus making it 'right' but damnit, allow me to say;
I'm Wrong.
I apologise. Profusely.

Gods... where are you?
Even the rabbit is hiding behind the clouds tonight.

--

I.. I speak as necessary. When I BURN to... when all else must drop away and allow the words to shape meaning. Existence.
That's how it has [always] been. [Always] since I've been Truly Alive.
And You. You! The one person towards whom I burn most often.... you have never heard my voice. Not without the filter of gears, speakers and tape.

If I could yell loud enough for you to hear my call... what would your answer be?

It's the buzz, it's the buzz

With blue sparks I shorted-out Mr Toasty.
No more toast today...

Stage Manager for Zeitgeist (a consolation prize, but incredible none the less).
What is Love? A Study In Freud - current work in progress.
Caught drinking by the cops, I then shook a man's hand in a dark alleyway.
My Brother turns 19 in minutes. Young enough to be old...

Notice:
Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever.

-

"In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours."
Greatness.

Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism

I didn't risk all.
Went for greatness... but left booby-traps for myself along the way - false tunnels. Fake obstacles. Faux distractions.
[Scapegoats.]
Places where it was evident to anybody who looked closely that I wasn't throwing my all into it.
And in doing so I betrayed myself.

Why?
So when I failed I didn't look 'silly'. So it was My choice to Fail. Under My Control. It wasn't that I gave it my all and they rejected me for that... it was that I gave it some, and evidently that wasn't enough.
My self-preservation destroyed the possibility of greatness.


And thus the [constant] question;

-What Now?-


Oh to be a motley fool!
May I never be content. May I never be perfect.