Throw me away

Ugh... I'm so all over the place lately; one minute I'm singing and dancing joyously to The Cure, then the next I'm sulky and annoyed with myself... nothing seems good enough, no matter what I do, and the bouts of happiness are fleeting. I'm tired, but I can't sleep.. and even when I do I wake up tired. I need help.. I need to regain the excitement and joy... I need to learn how to fucking draw, I want to do this so badly.. but no matter how I try it never comes out any where near as good in my head. I'm going to let my beloved Kaylie down.. I just can't seem to do her story justice...

The song 'File 13' (a particular favourite of mine, I must admit) truly applies...
I sleep until there is no light. I'm wide-awake all through the night. Dinner may suck but I'll take a bite, I'll do whatever I can. My muscles stiffen through the day. Discomfort never goes away. Someone should throw me away. I feel like a garbage can. Throw me away, I've got no use. Throw me away, I'm nothing to loose. Throw me away, I feel like shit. I am useless. I know I know nothing at all I'd take a stand but I know I'd fall. I'd run head-down into a wall and watch my blood run faster. Girls laugh and pass me on the street. I spook out everyone I meet. I've got pink toenails on my feet. I'm such a fucking master. Throw me away, I've got no use. Throw me away, I'm nothing to loose. Throw me away, I feel like shit. I am useless. I never seem to feel well. I always seem to look like hell. It seems that everyone can tell my mind is going numb. My Mom thinks I wear women's clothes. I get dogged on at all the shows. It seems that everybody knows, I look like a fucking bum! Throw me away, I've got no use. Throw me away, I'm nothing to loose. Throw me away, I feel like shit. I am useless!

I wish I could be the artist that everybody tells me I am.

*sigh* I need to get out of this rut.
I'm going to get Jam and make Quinny some chocolate for our picnic tomorrow. She promised to make me scones... hopefully that will cheer me up. Now all I have to do is survive until then.