...watched the light shine down on the broken glass

I just don't know what to say.
To myself.. to anybody.
I feel like sighing and saying "Ho hum" (mostly as it's a funny thing to say but also because I don't think I've ever said that before).

Today so much happened... I just want to write some things down, so that I don't forget.

1. I got to bed quite early this morning and didn't wake up until 10am. I missed Drama, when Quinn and I were to have our picnic. But I got to school, at morning tea, and there she was, smiling at me as she took the jam I offered and sat on the ground with me to eat our scones, laughing at me and asking if I would go to SA staffroom to borrow a knife seeing that I forgot to bring one. The scones were lovely and our little picnic group expanded when Kaihla and Casey joined us. It was nice, and I was content.

2. I got to the Study room and found Quinn's bag which had her school captain badge from 2001 (primary school). I took it and, grinning, pined it to my shirt then lay on the floor next to Nomes (who was reading). She gently played with my hair for ... I don't know how long.. until I fell asleep. I was stirred by voices and semi-opened my eyes to see that Quinny had returned. I smiled and reached up to her (I felt like a little child wanting a hug from their Mummy) then she took my hand and said softly "Stay here baby, I'll only be a minute; just rest." I watched her go and fell back asleep on the floor feeling loved.

3. When Quinn returned we migrated to PA... I was lying on top of the bag racks taking to Nomes (sitting in the rack beneath me) and Quinnabee (back to the wall, facing me) when, for whatever reason, Quinny decided that she would very much like to scream. Nomes agreed that she would too ( I laughed and said 'Don't be silly! You'll get in trouble') and so Quinn counted down "3.. 2... 1... AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Mr Cavinar (holding a class in B6) called me over and got mad at me for screaming I explained that it wasn't me (he couldn't see Nomes or Quinn, because they were hidden by the bag racks) and so he instructed me to pass on the message that screaming is not allowed. Which I did. Quinny promptly decided that as she was not done screaming, we would walk to the car park and scream there. I refused to participate but went with them. Then a year 11 walking past as they were joyously screaming remarked "I'd scream too if I had to look in the mirror and see that face." I turned swiftly, and punched him. I don't even think I properly balled my fist it happened so fast, but I caught his jaw and he instantly recoiled; swearing. Satisfied I'd proved my point I went over to Nomes and Quinn informing them I had defended their honour and rubbing the bruise already reddening my knuckles.
I hadn't punched somebody in over a year. It felt good, especially because I was being 'valiant' and friend-avenging.

4. I skipped merrily over to H block and everybody present indulged me in a hug. I like that.. Ro was explaining to me how she has some sort of 'motherly complex'.. I think I have the opposite, a kind of 'child complex'; I like to be held.

5. I talked to Kirra. Alot. About drawing, writing, music, life, sex**, people, friends.. and then suicide (about Sarah. She assumed I knew, but I had no idea.). I want to talk to her more often. She is amazing, if I didn't already care for her as a friend I think I would get a crush on her (not that I need another one).

** This was a group conversation between Kirra, Ryan, Bridgette and myself. I was shocked that Ryan was the only virgin*and again when I heard what Bridge said about Hannah and Kylie... I always thought they were so innocent.
*I hate that word and what it represents. Virgin. It even sounds stupid. Most of all I hate the knowledge that it hasn't applied to me since I was five years old.
(I don't care how long/rambling/awkward/grammarless any of those sentences were. It makes sense to me)

There was much more that happened today. But that's all I need to remember.
I feel a little better now. Not quite so drained.