I'll die drowned by your standards

I had the most horrid *censored* morning/day. (save for the fact that my darling Kayistine cherred me up and made me better! :)

Ugh. From a conversation with Ro:

"When you truly think about it you’ll find that there are no actual long-time goals in life. To me there’s no other meaning than getting happiness out of a certain moment in time. Unfortunately we live in a society that virtually forbids us to do so. We have to live according to rules that are based upon greed, tradition, religion or just plain and simple lies (which are rarely plain and never simple). These rules are designed to keep us small and closed-minded so we feel like we’re ‘doing the right thing’ with our lives. We have to look forward, make plans, and reach important lifetime goals. Most importantly, we are taught that we must never stand still."

"I just want out, to be left alone and to not have to deal with these idiotic pressures all the time. Grrr."

But, these is always tomorrow (which happens to start in about 10 minutes). I shall try again then. *insert inspirational quote about courage here*

Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses and sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses at the shade of the sheets before all the stains

I've always had "favourite random bits of information" like the fact that 300tonnes of meteor dust hits the Earth every day (WOW!) or how that gentlemen (I forget his name) died leaning against his fireplace mantel "just to prove it could be done" and now I have a new one! Sonoluminescence! First off, it's an awesome word. But the really awesome thing is what it is….

"Sonoluminescence is the emission of light by bubbles in a liquid excited by sound.
The mystery of how a low-energy-density sound wave can concentrate enough energy in a small enough volume to cause the emission of light is still unsolved. It requires a concentration of energy by about a factor of one trillion. To make matters more complicated, the wavelength of the emitted light is very short - the spectrum extends well into the ultraviolet. Shorter wavelength light has higher energy, and the observed spectrum of emitted light seems to indicate a temperature in the bubble of at least 10,000 degrees Celsius, and possibly a temperature in excess of one million degrees Celsius.
Such a high temperature makes the study of sonoluminescence especially interesting for the possibility that it might be a means to achieve thermonuclear fusion. If the bubble is hot enough, and the pressures in it high enough, fusion reactions like those that occur in the Sun could be produced within these tiny bubbles." Source

Wow! How randomly awesome! A few minutes ago I had never even considered anything like it! I feel the need for some sort of ranting about Operation D.O.O.M. so I'm off to get my lab coat and to find Roy. He will have to listen to me; otherwise he won't get patted! *cackles*

My reflection, (dirty mirror) there's no connection to myself

I have a list of books from my childhood that I want to re-read...but.. well.. most of them were read to me in class (Mrs Coats read us some brilliant books) and I’d go back to primary school just for Wednesday afternoon reading sessions. It's quite silly I know, but I truly love to be read to. If my Mum came up to me tonight and offered to read "James and the Giant Peach" –a book I vaguely remember being read when I was about 6 years old- (I loved Roald Dahl. I still do in fact. Seriously, who doesn't? "Puppy sodomizing murder's" you cry? No, I disagree, I'm sure at least some of them like him, too.) I would say "Do lets!" and would listen for as long as she wished to read.

*sigh*

I want somebody who loves me enough to read to me in this room, with a book, at this very moment. This is where having a 'significant other' could be handy. That and body warmth. My room has been so freezing lately that as I was dropping off to sleep a few nights ago I was making jokes in my head about hiring some random person to sleep in my bed and therefore keep it warm (but that's kind of creepy so I discounted it on the basis that I probably wouldn't sleep unless I trusted them).

Ok. Enough Of my creepy thoughts for one day, I'm going to go read to myself. Fare thee well!

Prescribed pills to offset the shakes

I had the best dream last night it was so crazy, and none of it was scary!
At first I was walking through our house, except it was HUGE and made with a 'log cabin' style (everything was wood). I got to my brothers room and for some reason (I forget now) I was lying on the floor and looking up at his ceiling when I realised the whole thing was covered with A4 sheets of dark green paper! In the centre were three smallish AFI posters and it all (paper included) was covered in clear plastic contact (the sort of stuff one would put over your school books)!! I remember being most upset because it turned out that I had gone to Chris' room to retrieve said AFI posters because my wall (which had been too full to house them earlier apparently) now had room. Unfortunately, with my posters contacted to his ceiling there was nothing that I could do but wander back to my own room. On my way there I was looking through all the rooms (I didn't find it strange that I couldn't remember where mine was) when I came across one filled with bunk beds; it was "the servants quarters". Inside there was this lady (the cook) who had a large wooden bowl filled with some sort of food/soup stuff. (and here comes the odd yet hilarious part) She was stirring it with a lizard's tail... as in, she had a lizard in her hand and its (perfectly stiff and straight) tail was in the bowl as she moved it around in circles. We talked (I can't remember what about) and she periodically squeezed the lizard so that it coughed up some purpley stuff (that was apparently part of the sauce. I don't know how I knew that, but at the time it was obvious that it made perfect sense – dreams are great like that). Then there was this part where we were flying through space being chased by this tenticled creature that I somehow knew was a pirate rival... but I can't quite think how that turned out (I blame my watching of the Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 trailer for that part of the dream though). Oh well, that's all I really remember, and it probably didn't make any sense whatsoever. Anyhow, now that's chronicled for the ages, I'm off to bed to smile at Kaylie's comic then sleep. Hopefully I'll have another great dream! *grins*

Da da da daaa da da daa (Superman theme)

I WENT TO MOVIE WORLD!!! It was so awesome!!
AHEM *clears throat and prepares for 'telling the entire day minute-by-minute-until-I-get-bored' story mode* The day all started at about 6:30am [ insert shuddering at the un-godly-earliness here - only half past CRAWL HOME DRUNK O'CLOCK] when I woke up/showered/dressed/packed ect then got in the car at about 7. It was beautifully foggy but the car was moving too fast for me to get any photos and I was too sleepy to fully comprehend how beautiful it was. We arrived at the bus pick up point (luckily my parents love me, because they had to get up and drive me... I don't understand why both of them came though - Mum's dependency on Dad is a little scary sometimes) with 15 minutes to spare (i.e. 7:15) and found David shivering in the cold. I went and shivered with him and he tried to give me his jacket. [insert gentle smile about his kindness here] Awww. I, of course, declined (Me, cold?!? Never!!) and invited him back to my car where we could wait in heated awesomeness. And so it was until THE BUS ARRIVED!!

Actually, screwed detailed chronicalling. Here's a photo instead:













(pictured - Frayer, Myself, Lara and behind us: Ro and David)

Frankness (a.k.a. honnesty)

(the first post in forever without lyrics as the title)

2:10am

I want to be that person… the one people think of and smile. The one they refer to fondly.. even though they haven’t seen me for years, and probably never will again. I want to be loved, respected… most of all I want to KNOW, beyond all self-doubt that I am worth it. Just worth it, worth being alive, worth eating plants and animals that have to die for my food, worth the heart-break of my loved ones when I die, worth being the kid that was always thinking and talking and running.. or just walking. Just worth being alive. That’s what I want.

I like breathing.

I want somebody to write the sort of thing that Hunter S. Tompson’s wife wrote about him ( "...He told me 25 years ago that he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment. I don't know if that is brave or stupid or what, but it was inevitable. I think that the truth of what rings through all his writing is that he meant what he said. If that is entertainment to you, well, that's OK. If you think that it enlightened you, well, that's even better. If you wonder if he's gone to Heaven or Hell —rest assured he will check out them both, find out which one Richard Milhous Nixon went to —and go there. He could never stand being bored. But there must be Football too —and Peacocks..."), but of course, about me. I mean, I want them to know me that well... know that I adore tea for it's 'sugary milk', to know that I giggle endlessly at pointless things just because I like to giggle, to know that I planned to carve my own gravestone because I thought that I could do it justice (I wanted the Art Of Drowning angel grave).. I just want somebody who knows me to hold me at night and to love me. To love me and to know enough about me that I no longer have to explain myself, that they have a free invitation to my world at anytime, as long as they love me.

Quinn and I were talking about ‘fear’ last week… and I couldn’t come up with anything that I was really, truly afraid of. I mean, yes there are many things that I greatly dislike (cruelty for example would be right at the top of the list… possibly followed by the death of somebody I adore – that thought made me sad) but nothing I am unreasonably afraid of. Death? No.. not even death. I don’t want to die… simply because I don’t think I’ll ever “finish” living… there’s just so much out there… I could never get sick of this world. Never. That is why I intend to live forever. For I have no doubt that it can be done.

-
3:49am

I was just sitting and ‘fantasizing’ (more ‘considering’ really) what I would do if a large, relatively ugly man suddenly appeared in the doorway I was staring at and tried to attack me with an axe. I decided it would be best if I ran at him then ducked so he got his axe stuck in the wall whilst I ran upstairs and alerted my family... I’m glad I’ve got a plan.. that situation could be quite ‘hairy’ (not in the literal sense of course). Now I’m paranoid and I keep glancing over to the doorway as I type.. I think I’ll go to the kitchen and get another glass of water.

I must have seen 50 LEDs from various electrical objects shining back at me during my journey from the soft orange glow of the refrigerator light (which lasted only as long as it filled my glass of water) to the friendly, clean light of the computer screen. Oh dear computer.. I wonder how many countless weeks we have spent together over the years. I will miss you when I leave.

I just found a packet of gum! Fantastic!

It was accidentally on purpose

We're getting a cat! We went to pick him up a few hours ago but alas he was hiding and could not be found.. so he will be dropped off sometime tomorrow. YAY!! *excitement* The only problem is that technically Chris claimed him thus the silly nong is naming him Roy (Roy is such a stupid name..he named it after this retarded anime character "Mr Mustang") but still.. we get A CAT!! *dances*

The discussion we just had about Roy’s name went as such:
"Even Megan thinks it's dumb."
"I think Megan's dumb."
"No you don't."
"...for the purpose of this argument." *shuts the door and runs to his room*