Drowned in flames is where I can be found

I know it’s nearly 2am and I have to get up in about four or so hours, but I have to write this now or I never will…

I did all the wrong things, I said all the wrong things, broke your heart and further damaged mine, all because I was scared… scared of the fact that you reminded me too much of her, and that I reminded me too much of me.
She never cut until she met me… did you? I doubt it. She never burnt either.. she never listened to hardcore music or dyed her hair black, sure she liked the ‘dark side of humanity’ but it was me that showed it to her... me that in doing so destroyed he last few tatters of her innocence and me that finally left her because she was too broken, far too far gone, too manipulative and no longer the person I fell in love with.
I doubt that would’ve happened with you, but enough happened to scare me… that first night, I didn’t stop you because of Lara next door, I stopped you because it was exactly how it happened with her… You must understand, as much as I hurt her… she broke me. Yes, I’m ok (mostly) now.. yes, I’ve forced myself to ‘get over it’, but still.. the scar (the wound) remains.
I never really gave you a reason... I didn't really have one to give. I told you all I could bear to, even against my better judgment, that's how much I value you.. I couldn't even bring myself to lie to you, even if it was for your protection. I gave you some (most) of the thoughts that led up to the decision but I don’t think it was enough to help you to understand. I still don't have much of a reason for you now, just fragments from my shattered consciousness, fragments in picking up I hope you might be able to understand, maybe even accept and be ok with all of this... That's probably too much to hope for, but all I really want is you to feel better, maybe some good come of it.. I'd like to think that some did.
But none of that is what I wanted to say... Mostly I just want to say I’m sorry to you. I should never have asked in the first place, I’m not good with relationships… I’m sorry, so very sorry… Mostly sorry that there’s nothing I can do to make everything better for you, if I had a magic wand I would, but I don’t and I can’t. Just know that I’ve never thought any less of you for any reason; this wasn’t your doing. You’ve always been that funny, interesting girl around to brighten my day, and I thank you deeply for that. Whatever you need, I’m here to help, all right? I hope you’re having a good night right now, and sleeping as peacefully as I am picturing you, just a few streets away…